Throw Your Love Away
by umaficwriter
Summary: 8th on Crowen Playlist Challenge. They dwell with their separation and wonder what the other is doing.


Throw Your Love Away

**Summary**: 8th on Crowen Playlist Challenge. They dwell with their separation and wonder what the other is doing.

**Disclaimer**: Greys is not mine, you already know that, and the song the fic was named after belongs to Little Big Town.

**Notes**: Despite me not being north American, I _love_ country music, and this song means a lot to me. You should listen to it on my 'Crowen – Cristina Yang and Owen Hunt' playlist on Spotify! It stands for Crowen in _every_ song, I swear! Enjoy!

_Baby you keep showing up in every dream__  
__You're walking 'round my head in your faded jeans__  
__I don't know what it means, I don't know what it means_

It was a cold Sunday outside.

Cristina woke up around nine, and was glad she didn't have to go to work today. Usually, she didn't get a day off with so much going on at the Institute, but today, it was a exception. She had moved from Seattle six months prior, and had yet to get used to the different rhythm things ran around here.

She decided against getting up just yet, and stayed in bed. Texted Meredith and put her phone away. Yang rolled over and was on her back, facing the celling. She had dreamt of him.

_Again_.

In her dreams, those she'd been having since she left, Owen was only in his jeans, walking into their bedroom with a tray of breakfast, or she would get home from the GSMH and he'd be cooking only in those blue, faded jeans that made his ass look _amazing_. Didn't take her long to realize they weren't exactly… _dreams_. They were _memories_

Cristina didn't know what they meant.

She missed her ex-husband, yes, but that meant she needed to talk to him? Or it meant she needed to forget him once and for all?

She wasn't confused about her decision.

But she was about her feelings.

_You left without me saying what I wanted to__  
__The thought of you is filling up this empty room__  
__I don't know what to do with all the missing you_

The problem with moving on from Cristina was: she had been _everywhere_.

He was aware of it, because he had helped Teddy with it, when he fired her, all those years back.

His friend couldn't've followed with her life if he hadn't done what he did.

Which brought him back to this moment in time.

Owen was standing in the vent. Up the grade, waiting for the gush of air to clean his mind.

It _came_.

But it _didn't_.

Did not clean his head.

Nor his heart.

He missed her like crazy. These past six months had been torture, they had cut all the contact, trying to move on.

How could he? The ghost of her presence filled up every room. She had been in every place.

Adding to that, he hadn't said what he wanted to. She left him boring her eyes onto his up at the OR gallery. And when she was gone, he could not accept their story was reduced to that.

There was still _so_ _much_ he wanted her to know.

He thought she knew, but he wanted to say the words anyway.

It broke him not remind her he loved her so.

_I can patch the holes and take a million pictures off the wall__  
__I can send you back your old guitar you gave to me__  
__Yeah it don't bother me at all__  
__I can set our bed on fire but your memory is fireproof__  
__So what's the use__  
__I can't throw your love away and I can't give it back to you_

Once again, life proved Owen he was a _sucker_ for nostalgia.

He'd bought the firehouse back after eight months she was gone.

It was _just_ like they have left it.

They have lived such terrible moments there.

It was where she reaffirmed, she wouldn't have their baby. And those steps, were the same that guided her out the door, when he'd thrown her out their home. The home she bought him, because he cared about where they'd live.

The broken home where he told her he had cheated on her.

The home she never came back to.

He was feeling stupid buying it back. But he needed some assurance in life. Something proving him that he was still him, despite her letting him go.

His first thought was letting it all like it was.

Then, Derek had gone there one night to catch up and drink.

"I feel like Cristina's going to go up the stairs any minute now." McDreamy had said his friend. "You should remodel it. I can help if you want to."

And that was how it started.

Derek and him would plan and spend hours chatting about it over drinks and sketches.

Owen was thankful for Shepard's help. Only, the redhead never told his friend that it didn't matter they changed the carpet's colors, broke down the walls, repainted rooms, bought new furniture… her memory was remodeling proof.

He could _burn_ the whole building down. She would still be there.

Owen couldn't throw their love away. Sadly, he also couldn't give it back to her.

_You made it look so easy with your moving on__  
__Like you never think about our favorite song__  
__Dancing in the living room slow dancin'__  
__It was over way too soon_

Cristina has gone home to Derek's funeral.

_Home_…

It was a strange concept now. She lived in Zurich. Her life had moved in there with her. Still, she considered Seattle her home. Because most people she loved were there. Meredith, Callie, their children, Alex, _Owen_…

So she'd flown home and was staying the time Meredith needed her to.

At the funeral, the Asian woman noticed that one of the deceased' sisters, was way _too_ close to her ex-husband. She felt horrible to catch that in such a moment, but she did. And the pain of losing a friend, of losing her person's person almost could not overcome this other pain she was feeling.

He was moving on.

And it _stung_.

After that, it was all a blur, Meredith had sent her home, vanishing with the kids in the process, just to appear at Yang's doorstep after a couple of days. Alex had called her, worried sick, and in the middle of all the information he'd thrown at her, he also said something about 'Hunt's with Amelia looking, but they can't find anything.'

Cristina knew where her person was. Actually, Mer was right in the bedroom across from hers, at her apartment in Zurich. But the Asian was so taken aback by the fact Owen was with Derek' sister, that it took her another hour or so to redial Karev, and assure him the kids and Meredith weren't dead, they were with her.

In the middle of her living room, cellphone in hand, Cristina wondered if Owen had already forgotten about them. Because, clearly, he was moving on. He made it look so _easy_.

She knew she wasn't being fair. She was the one who left, after all. Encouraging him to find some baby-maker-stay-at-home-making-all-his-dreams-come-true-wife, no less. Therefore, she had not the right of asking him to take forever to do so.

She just wondered…

Didn't he miss their unique moments together?

Was she so forgettable he wouldn't wait even a whole year?

Didn't he miss the nights where he would play the guitar for her? Or their love making? Or the dance in the kitchen while cooking something special?

Or even the nights they would talk about surgeries on end?

She was hurt, but what was she expecting?

Owen was over her way too soon.

But their story was over way sooner than it was supposed to as well.

_I wake up in the morning and I call your name__  
__I wish there was a get over you pill to take__  
__Everything is different but it's all the same__  
__My heart is so devoted it won't even break_

When Owen opened his eyes, he faced brown hair. Not black. Straight short hair, very opposite from the long curls he was used to.

He knew it was wrong. But his brain couldn't conjure another thought if not about Cristina.

Of all medicines he was aware of, none suited his diagnosis. No surgery would do either. No amount of radiation would make it disappear.

It was like being ill with a silent disease, you knew something was wrong, every test pointed to that, but you felt nothing. Everything was the same, except for your insides.

It was making him go crazy. It was like leading a double life.

Owen wanted with all his willpower to love and cherish the woman sleeping next to him. He was trying hard to. She knew him, got him, wanted the same things… she was all Cristina wanted him to have.

There was _only_ a problem.

His stupid heart was so devoted to the cardiothoracic goddess, it would even skip a beat for another woman.

Owen felt good with Amelia. He had the feeling they had met first, they could be amazing together. Things, however, weren't that simple.

Hunt sighed and got off the bed.

_I can't give you back all the kisses__  
__Underneath those summer stars__  
__I can't give you back all the cold__  
__When I'm not sleeping in your arms_

Almost every night, in their own time zones, the pair thought about what the other was doing, or about what surgery the other would perform the next morning.

They seemed to like _torturing_ themselves.

Yet, none of it could made them call the other.

_Pride_ and _fear_ were making their work just right.

Besides, he was engaged now. And still wondering about his ex-wife. How _sick_ was that? How _wrong_ was that?

Although, Owen concluded he would never stop thinking about Cristina. She was a big part of his life, no matter how much time passed.

On the other side of the globe, Yang wished she could erase all her memories of Owen.

She wished she could give him all back, like a box full of trinkets, telling him to burn it or to hide it away somewhere she could never find it, so she could move on.

They said time would heal.

She was a doctor. A very good one, thus she knew better than that.

_Wish I could give it back baby__  
__Ohh_

**Notes**: I'm still writing _Mine_, okay guys? I was just too inspired by this song to let it pass. Hope you missed the heartbreaking works! See ya! Xx


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